Name: Matt Crossman. Specialist Subject: The bleeding obvious

*caution! Geeky rant follows*

Now I don’t wish to be overly critical here, but some things happen in your life that make you want To Scream – on this occasion with the sheer condescension shown by the advertisers of this world.

Exhibit A: Tesco black peppercorns. This, for the culinary challenged is pepper. Plain ol’ common or garden pepper. I know what pepper is. I would wager that around 100% of people are also vaguely familiar with the concept.

The Tesco product informs the consumer that the mystery product carries “A strong and spicy flavour”.

Or, to put it more succinctly, it tastes peppery ….

What next? “clear, refreshing and versatile” for a bottle of water? “Light bulbs – bringing the day to night – Tonight!! “Creamy and succulent dairy juice, ideal for all your breakfast needs, incredible compliment to any hot beverage!!!” ? I’m getting sick of this. What kind of moron do they think wanders into Tesco’s wondering, ‘say what are those little black dealies over there by the salt shelves, I wonder what they taste like?”. You can’t package pepper as a new and exotic condiment – but it scares me that there were probably several over paid advertising execs who had all nighters discussing the next big pepper push, how they are passionate about its spicy and fiery flavours … passionate about pepper. Scary.

Please, everyone, lets encourage free thinking and self discovery. I’m meeting some guys from Tesco on Friday, will be sure to bring it up with them ….