Something someone said about song lyrics

Present me with vapid, airy familiarities about God sung in a ballad
and I'm nowhere - give me orientation as to my fall, my rescue, and my
blessing in Christ and I'm ready to overflow with thanksgiving.

Now - answers on a postcard as to who said it.

Happy Christmas BTW

XXV

The 14th of December is my 25th birthday. Or more precisely the 4 year anniversary of my 21st birthday, which is the way Billy Connolly suggests we should look at things.
I remember my 21st party. Late in the term of final year, half the CU showed up and left by 11.30 (I’d like to be able to have a dig at their conservatism but the reality is that they all went to ‘drive by’, a D&B night). I found a photo of myself from then, and it’s bizarre that the man I am now was the young man there.

In essence we’re the same, but we’ve diverged from each other. The things I care about now don’t match what he cared about. He was also a free-er person, but in some senses naïve. He had yet to fall in love – lol. For the most part, when I’m not exasperated at my own weakness as a man, I like who I’m growing up to be, and I like the way God is shaping me. I am excited by the way he is moulding me because I can see where it might take me.
I spent some time with my parents last week, and got to thinking how my mum and dad must feel watching me grow up, and become my own man. I wonder if they feel proud, or are scared, or wish they could make my decisions for me. I think there are things about me that they have directly shaped and influenced of which they can be proud – and I hope I bring a measure of satisfaction that having kids was the right thing to do (my dad was dead set against, in the context of a cold war 70’s).

Watching someone grow who you have a direct influence on must be such a mixed joy. I have been reading Luke’s gospel recently and have been struck by the things that happened as Jesus and John grew up , having children soaked in prophecy from the outset, seeing the purposes of God being worked out in their children – Mary’s reaction being to ‘treasure all these things in her heart'(2:19 and 51) and 'ponder them'.

My challenge to myself and whoever cares to listen is this – who has God out you in a similar position in relation to? Who do you have the privilege of sharing life with, reflecting with, praying into and releasing into ministry? Are you pushing too hard, or are you letting God do what He will do as his good pleasing and perfect will dictates , being content to ‘treasure these things in your heart’ until the right moment? Do your duty for sure, but wait for the sense of God’s timing. It could be thirty years.
Matt

Take two

Blogging from Bromley

As part of a series of ex-bristol blogs I blog from Bromley this fine sunday morning.

It is nine. Englands droppped Ponting on 35 who then went on to make a big ton. This has affected my mood. I have another three hours drive back to bristol before getting tired out doing the mix. What fun. TTFN

Christmas Party 16th Dec

At our place with these guys. And Dan Aykroyd.

On being in the office before the heating is on

Having never seen the office clock before 8am before, I now know why. The heating doesn't com on 'til half eight.

Things are much quieter when no-one else is around. Which leaves room for thoughts.

How will tonight go? Will God heal people? Will He heal Kirsty before she goes into surgery? Will my neck and headaches rear their nasty little head?

I have no doubt in my mind that He can. I'm just not certain it will happen.

Which brings me to last night, reading and learning about Romans 8 together, the 'pinnacle' of the New Testament. I thought to myself lots last night that the promise of God is not that we'll never see trouble, hardship, famine, death, or experience demonic influence, but that these things cannot separate us from the love of God that is in Christ.

M

Let's do more of this

Orderly Worship
26What then shall we say, brothers? When you come together, everyone has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation. All of these must be done for the strengthening of the church.

I think when church is smaller it should look a bit more like this, rather than using the white boys with guitars model all the time.

I think in the fuse as we use the main hall we feel we should be using all the toys and gadgets, when really we are just 40 or so people who come together in a much less formal setting.

When we have com together to pray for those in our family who are sick, we have been much more open to listening to God, and seeing where He wants to go. I guess partially it's an expectation thing - sit on seats in rows looking at a band on a stage and something happens subconsciously that says 'you aren't part of what they're doing'. But when we all just gather round the cross, things seem very different, less strict, less organised, more scary and more fun!

FAR to close to the bone . . .

The Bible begins to get token reference, exposition recedes, biblical sounding slogans (like peace, justice, kingdom, mutuality, grace, acceptance, wholeness) begin to replace specific sentences, contextual considerations diminish, moral generalities begin to replace attention to grammatical detail, and soon the Bible in its pointed specificity is not the authority, but rather the ideas of man.

Seriously; this is scary.

and also . . .

I think this backs up one of my arguments - to apprecite the depth of your rescue you must appreciate the depth of your fall. You cannot have mercy without an understanding divine vengeance and wrath.

There is nothing more fearful in reality or in imagination than the prospect of everlasting, never-ending, omnipotent, unimpeachably just and righteous divine wrath and fury. And that is the consequence of our sin.

Unless we get this clear in our heads and powerful in our emotions, the love of God will be reduced to sentimentalism or to a mere assistance for our self-help improvement and recovery plans. It will not be to us the infinitely precious, tremblingly embraced treasure that it really is.

What to do when we have two truths about God that we 'can't' reconcile

You know you're being led and taught by God on something when your bible readings and learnings shed light on the debates of the community - this is from John Piper at DesiringGod.org, read this morning as I work through Romans(again).

When God's Word Seems to Contradict Itself

There is condemnation of Jews and Gentiles, and there is justice. And these two things do not contradict. This is where we began. Who are they whose condemnation is just? Those who play games with the Word of God. More specifically in this case: those who see two true things in the Word of God that they can't reconcile and deny that this can be. For them it was, on the one hand, God is faithful and God is righteous and God is true to his glory, and, on the other hand, God judges his very own chosen people and condemns them along with the Gentile world. Two truths, for them irreconcilable. What advantage then would the Jew have? So they try to reject one of these truths. And the result is sophistry - tricky reasoning, word games. Today we might call it spinning. And to this Paul says, "Their condemnation is just."

So my closing exhortation is: Don't play games with the Bible. Be as careful as you can in handling the Word of God. And when you can't reconcile one true thing with another. Wait and pray and study and seek the Lord. In due time, they will be reconciled.

BTW I highly reccomend the DesiringGod Podcast, and the resources on that website. Through the instruction I have found there I have rediscovered what it means to cherish Christ as precious.

God of wrath - reflections on a Dixon's musings

This is a thoughful meandering and thinking around some issues John raised over at woodiesworship.blogspot . its not fully formed and unedited, hopefully there should be a discussion coming out of it.

Matt

Reading John’s arguments again, I have a few comments to make which are not really directed at the arguments themselves, but more wider questions of exegesis and interpretation. I’m just going to let my mind run away with me on my lunch hour, so this is more ‘Matt’s thoughts’ than ‘Matt wants to sing this song!’ although where I end up might look that way! Firstly, a quick search for the word vengeance in the NIV shows a number of references (29 in fact), particularly Isaiah 34:8 and 35:4 So I think the question we should be asking ourselves is ‘What aspect of the character of God is trying to be put forward by the inclusion of these words in the Bible’. I appreciate that the word itself is a troubling one, one that causes tensions in the chest as we try and square it with the God of the love songs we so often bring to Him. However, it is there, frequently, in the Bible. Describing God is impossible, as we sing (!) . So we must be cautious with how we conceive of God as we try and make attempts to describe some part of him. I am a creature, and I have a character. As such I am made up of different characteristics and tendencies. God is not a creature, but Creator. Therefore we need to be careful not to apply ‘creature’ words to the creator. I might have been a kind man at some point but there is no guarantee I will as kind in 20 years time. God is not beset by such change – he remains the same, immutable, immortal, invisible. So it is more correct to describe God as having attributes rather than characteristics. Secondly when thinking about God we must remember that he never limits himself or any part of himself in acting in a particular way. So when we think of God as Loving and contrast that with his anger and wrath as a very clear opposite, we have already reduced Him down to creature terms. To be loving he doesn’t limit his anger. To act justly doesn’t diminish His love. Rather, as he is divine and we are not, when He acts He is ALWAYS acting fully in accordance with His divine nature. He is constant. He is always God, always will be God, not capricious and flighty but solid and dependable. So to judge is an expression of His mercy and love as much as his act of rescue in His only Son. Specifically, what He judges (in creature terms ‘takes vengeance upon’) in fact CONFIRMS his justice, mercy and love. God takes and will take righteous and perfect action against those who defile and deface the creation and creatures who bear His image. Because He loves them, and is summed up by love. 8 For the LORD has a day of vengeance, a year of retribution, to uphold Zion's cause I think reading Isaiah 35 is helpful – 4 say to those with fearful hearts, "Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you." I would like to use Romans 1 as a sidelight here. We see that when people know God yet do not honour or worship Him, they are deceived in their minds and dimmed in their thinking. The rest of the chapter shows how sin corrupts the entire human race absolutely. And that ‘the wages of sin is death’. What we know, and should treasure, is that God, while demonstrating His kindness in apparently delaying this final day of ‘vengeance’ so that as many as possible may find the defence of the gracious gift of the Messiah’s blood, will act finally to rid the world of sin, to purify it and judge its evil. The day of vengeance is one that confirms to us that God IS just, that he doesn’t stand idle, that he isn’t disinterested in rape, child abuse, murder, holocausts etc. He cares, and cares deeply about any act which damages and crushes any of those created in His image. These are the things he burns against. I think it is a tension we must hold – let’s just remind ourselves exactly what God will take vengeance on. It isn’t malevolent, sinister self seeking war mongering for power and fame, but the full expression of his love for his people and that fact that those who ignore Him and are in fact openly hostile to him will receive due penalty; when the end comes all that remains will be that which is in the Kingdom of God. That which isn’t will come to an end. He hasn’t hidden his law; he hasn’t hidden His words from us. We know what God requires (in the bigger picture here – not addressing specific individuals at this point). We need to remember these things to appreciate the depth of our fall, and the greatness of the rescue. We have been saved from something – the due penalty for sin is death; the GIFT of God is eternal life. If there isn’t judgement and vengeance and judgement, then there is nothing to show us what God wants and what God hates. We have been saved TO something as well – to eternal life, joy and peace with the creator we now can stand before through His son. It’s hard, but need to somehow hold both aspects of the cross in tension in our minds. I’m going to let Nahum have the last word – spot the tensions! The Lord 's Anger Against Nineveh 2 The LORD is a jealous and avenging God; the LORD takes vengeance and is filled with wrath. The LORD takes vengeance on his foes and maintains his wrath against his enemies. 3 The LORD is slow to anger and great in power; the LORD will not leave the guilty unpunished. His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and clouds are the dust of his feet. 4 He rebukes the sea and dries it up; he makes all the rivers run dry. Bashan and Carmel wither and the blossoms of Lebanon fade. 5 The mountains quake before him and the hills melt away. The earth trembles at his presence, the world and all who live in it. 6 Who can withstand his indignation? Who can endure his fierce anger? His wrath is poured out like fire; the rocks are shattered before him. 7 The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him, 8 but with an overwhelming flood he will make an end of Nineveh ; he will pursue his foes into darkness.

La la Hmmm

Seeing as it has been a while since I wrote anything meaningful I don’t see why this occasion should be any different. I thought I would take this opportunity to inform you of a few pertinent changes in my life since last year.

Guitar strings: Have changed from d’addario to elixir. Both displease me. The d’adds last longer but the elxirs have a nicer tone for a 5 day period.

Hair: Have abandoned all hope of haircut with a number one job. This, I have discovered, was mainly driven by a desire to let people know that I know I am losing my hair. Grief, is there anything more tragic than someone in the early stages of alopecia carrying on as if nothing as changed? When the mullet becomes a skullet? PS for sale: three tubs of dax hair wax.

Trousers: I now own at least three pairs of non work trousers that are not jeans.

Car: Mavis has been retired, long live the golf gti with more poke than an oversized poking device. On growth hormone.

ONE HUNDREDTH POST DISMAY

I always thought my one hundredth post would be an occasion for joy. Since suffering emotional turmoil my blogging frequency was jolted into increase, and seems to have been sustained, such that I have 'blogged 346% more from quarter 1 to quarter 4 in the year my 'blog has existed. (Sorry; the analyst Matt runs the fingers during daylight hours).

However, I use this momentous posting to tell you that Stew's studio is well and truly up a certain rather well known creek without the requisite directional impetus provision implements.

In other words I’ve lost all of my backing tracks.

Recording: Insanity welcomes swiss drivers

With big ups all round to Simple Sound Studios (point: it doesn't exist in this plane of reality) and the pouring rain adding atmosphere to 'Waiting' hence Stew constructing the miniature fort / booth you see below.

I encourage you to make a fort today. If yu have kids you have the perfect pretence that it's for them. We just make forts in our front room anyway. Futon not so great, sofa cushions very good, solid, tessalatable, and useful weapons to repel attack.

SCGS: The malaise continues

I put before you a sad example of a full blown case of SCGS:

Employees, also have the option of participating in regular consultation forums and feedback surveys.

This is a fairly straightforward sentence requiring little elaboration stylistically to make its point. What the hell. Let's have a comma!

M

PS some photos of my day recording to come after my dad returns my laptop.

Yes, yes !

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/lancashire/5271252.stm

C of E Vicar decides to save PosOffice from closure to open up links with Community. Can't agree more.

Either I agree with him or he agrees with me

but in any case Carbon offsetting is nonsense

At the offices of Travelcare and the forecourts owned by BP, you can now buy complacency, political apathy and self-satisfaction. But you cannot buy the survival of the planet.

George Monbiot. Go but his book, read his articles, think about them and then consider whether any of us should take a short haul flight for £30 again.

You know what?

No matter how many times I give in, fall over and dust myself off, have another go, fail, fall, dust off, repeat try AGAIN, Give in AGAIN but a bit later than last time, try again ...

No matter how many times I believe lies then repent . . .

No matter WHAT, He loves me. The cross isn't just an illustration of divine love, but the basis of it. Perfect love casts out fear on the final day. I have crossed the line form darkness into light. Anything that happens to me now is for my good, transforming me into the likeness of Christ.

Robipedia on tour

SCGS - Spontaneous Comma Generation Syndrome
A newly discovered mental disorder, whereby, the sufferer, often in , the most ridiculous and unxpected, places in a sentence inserts a comma for , no, or no known, reason. This disorder speaks of , the fear that many in society, face when , confronted with a comma, in which they turn from rational individuals into gibbering , illiterates.

Needless to say SCGS seems to have worked its way into my life and is causing me great distress.

Think before you offset . . .

So the Co-Op, in its latest quest to be seen and heard to do the right thing, is to become the first high street travel agent to offer travellers the chance to offset their CO2 emissions by way of a green surcharge .

For those unfamiliar with the concept, this method allows companies or activities to continue emitting CO2 as long as they invest in Carbon reduction technologies elsewhere. It also happens when companies buy in carbon credits from emissions trading schemes.

(For those unfamiliar with THAT concept, this is where nations or supranational organisations agree to cap emissions at a certain level in any given year. Individual sites are given allowances for how much C they can emit in a year. If they fall short of this they can sell their entitlement to the ones who have failed to meet their limit. Once this trading has been done, the overall limit is reduced for the next year so all have a financial incentive to be continually reducing their emissions).

As a solution to the catastrophic disaster that is irreversible climate change, this is nonsense. We need to cut emissions. This means some alterations in our lifestyles and a permanent move away from fossil fuels. We can’t all pay someone else to do something about the problem! Aviation taxation is nonsense too – tax the ears of flights and aviation fuel; result, the rich keep flying.

And on the Carbon trading thing – it depends on countries in the EU actually agreeing to an overall cut in their emissions. I refer you to someone wiser than me:

“National targets for 2008 set by Austria, Finland, Greece, Ireland, Luxembourg, the Netherlands, Sweden and Spain are out of line with their Kyoto obligations, as are Estonia, France. Latvia, Lithuania and Slovakia. Poland has proposed a hugely extravagant plan that permits 70 million tonnes more CO2 than it emitted last year. Overall, 130 million tonnes of carbon need to be cut from the national plans so far submitted.”

See – it doesn’t work. I think the only way you get the level of change we need is through personal carbon limits and personal carbon trading. To quote George Monbiot, we got into this through millions of seemingly innocuous infinitesimal actions. So we need the same number of small actions to avert the coming crisis.

Silhouettes and fake charades

Well I feel I have disappointed the blogosphere by not writing as much as I usually do, and also by not writing anything very interesting. Or least not thinking that I have which is part of the reason for doing it in the first place.

It seems to have been a bit of a period of change for a lot of people round me – Dan is miles away, Becky less miles away, Tom soon to be miles away, Martin miles away but reducing as we speak, sister miles away. So for some life is entering into a new period - another Marsh married, an extra Cotton in the world and one less McCoy, a smaller new Marsh and new Sopwith on the way- but for me things are progressing nicely along the same familiar routes.

I have been appointed as a non-exec director to the ECCR which is more exciting than the website would portray. I also might be becoming one of the trustees of my Dad’s new charity. So some people clearly think I am capable of rational thought and analysis in addition to helpful and insightful comment and criticism. God help them – literally.

I just want to be honest with you, though. These kind of things appeal to my vanity much more than the whole lead worshipper thing (which also presents issues, but I’m getting more used what I have to do to deal with them). In the same breath I see these things as answers to prayer about where my life was heading and what God needed me to be doing.

But above all else currently I am concerned with what I am becoming. I bear the image of God, but I want to be transformed into the likeness of Christ. And not how I perceive Christ to be but how He really is in Himself.

Don't be deceived . . .

Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemey's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.

It is during the trough periods, much more than the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best.

Right to the core . . .

Sometimes somebody says something that cuts you right to the heart. It's when God speaks, usually (Hebrews 4:12).

Are we ADMIRERS of Christ ...



or FOLLOWERS ?

Geoff; Bob; Keith

Where is all this going, I sense my emotions quizzing my intellect. My intellect replies in cold terms that it’s not in charge of direction, merely the rational executions of the decisions of my will. The will in itself pipes up and asks why the emotions have to be so damn touchy feely about the whole thing and then we’re back to square one.

I’m learning to embrace these little lulls and bouts of melancholia. They mostly arise when public transport goes awry, but also when Manchester City go on a downward spiral. How I am not a manic depressive on these terms I don’t know . . . in any case. Back to informed and emotionally aware blogging.

Do you ever ask rhetorical questions to the ether in the hope that you might discover what you feel you’re lacking? I am lacking something at the moment – it feels like I’ve had and lost something in my spirituality, though that might be down to rounded on to do JOBS rather than be part of something. As far as being defined by my roles goes I’ve messed up a bit.

Why don’t I live in Plymouth?

Darn those journos

The Muslim world is again agreived by the perceived Christian West. A nutter fringe group comes out and says

"We tell the worshipper of the cross (the Pope) that you and the West will be defeated, as is the case in Iraq, Afghanistan, Chechnya. God enable us to slit their throats, and make their money and descendants the bounty of the Mujahideen."

Just a quick point - I'm no cross worshipper. Discuss.

Life on hold

Do hold on in there, this might be a long one. I have several weeks worth of shame and regret to get through before the blog is out ...

I think in ad man's terms they call that a teaser. In truth I don't know where this post is oging, yet feel a strange compulsion to be writing something. My brain has been called into action on such rare occasions over the last fortnight that I scarce remember what it feels like to be switched on, wired, prepared mentally and emotionally.

I have been on my travels recently. I think this is a euphemism for me being bored and having no-one to pester. I have been to France for ages and to Exeter.

Meeting new people is a funny one for me - I have many acquaintances and fewer genuine friends. My desire is to be known. I don't like it when people think more of me than they have a right to be virtue of the fact I sing some simple songs at church. I don't like to think that people might be reading me and reading me correctly. i take solace in the fact that some of best friends now I completely mis-read on first encounter. So there is hope for the future. But in this moment I discovered some things about myself that were quite hard to take while I was on holiday.

Alcohol makes me miserable. Coffee makes me joyous. Headaches never stop.

28 degrees is perfect weather.

The worst thing in the world is when you find someone slightly hard to get on with / relate to precisely because they remind so damn much of yourself and the things you feel weakest about that its scary.

Is it wrong to keep your mouth shut when to open it would open cans of worms and weaken other poeples' faiths just because you shared some ideas that you had trouble with? I refer as always to our slightly mixed up notions of eternity and the influence of Gnostic and Platonic on eschatology.

Grief. Incoherance appears to be my friend.

I love my community , yet I choose to be alone. I profess to love, but I serve myself. I am happy to be the guy in the leadership position as long as people know me, but can't deal with the same issues I see in others with integrity in myself.


the more that life goes on the more I realise the depth of my fall. If only I could glimpse the depth and subsequent height of my rescue.

In closing I strongly advise you to go to a 4star gite in the country followed by a trip to exeter. It is guaranteed to make you well aware of the chasm in meaning that pervades modern society.

Peace Out. I need some

M

À bientôt, j'espère

Well since Roberto is the undisputed king of the blogosphere and Old Man Dave and Ruth are now fellow bloggers, it's time for to take my leave.

I am going to a lovely Gites about two hours away from La Rochelle for two whole weeks. I simply cannot wait to get away from the craziness and drink lost of stubbies and cheap red, eat amazing cheeses and BBQ anything that MOVES.

In the mean time I leave you with one of life's great imponderables which I invite you to ponder at your leisure. Improbably.


What's on my face?

M

*snigger* puerile and immature post

The church of the God of Prophecy held its annual leadership conference this last week, where they discussed whether marriage after divorce is adultery.

Thye chose this wonderful place for their venue.

Only in America ...

M

Repete; numero un, b

I usually try and avoid the kind of 'blog entry which gives minutiae regarding the weekend's activities. 'Cos for some readers it's just dull, especially those who weren't there.

For this blog I will attempt to avoid such banalities. i will begin with quoting a line from a much maligned manchester band.

"I swing from high to deep, extremes of sweet and sour"

I have yet to find a better line to describe what my life feels like over a period of about 7 days. Sunday was in many ways a very special day for me - we went over to lead worship at a church in Bath. After narrowly avoiding missing Jay, we lead the service and it was great - such lovely welcoming people, and ministry time was fantastic. PLus after the service it turns out we did a great job for which they were very grateful. PLUS plus I met claire Miller's gran ....!

I then went home and felt really ok with the world. Home to an empty house. Bliss. Music on, chocolate cake and a book. Then like 20 poeple show up, so it's off to the park to thow mini american footballs around. I felt shattered. Went home and slept. Got up. went to church.

Now reherearsal was very hard. I broke a string. I found it hard to communicate what i wanted. During the night I broke ANOTHER string (these were brand new on friday) and went out of tune. i then lasted 15 minutes at the elbow rooms before abandoning Samm and running home to bed.

In short I went from good mood to bad mood .

Why?

Nothing changed, nothing really. If anything I should have been over the moon - both services went well, two of my good friends got engaged (finally) to their respective ladies - it was all so sweet.

Mes modes s'ont fragile commes les bulles. I'm just weird, me.

My new favourite word

eisegesis

–noun, plural -ses /-siz/ an interpretation, esp. of Scripture, that expresses the interpreter's own ideas, bias, or the like, rather than the meaning of the text

Wish I'd had this at hand when I read some of the Christian pop culture books that have troubled me.

Matt

quick question

Is it right to describe a preacher as a 'gifted motivational speaker' as so many do? Is this what really matters? Is teh chruch so flabby we need endless cajoling and nudging? Isn'tit one step form this to the self help Gospel of Osteen et al?

I refer you to the shortest and most perfect pep talk ever, on the brink of the biggest god project ever, displacing an entire race:

11 But Moses said to God, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"

12 And God said, "I WILL BE WITH YOU. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you [a] will worship God on this mountain."

I think I'm happy to look for the speaker who is an excellent communicator of God's Words. We're blessed with them at Woodies. The biggest indicator of a preacher's angle would be to hypothetically ask what difference it would make if they weren't allowed to use the bible. For some I have heard at festivals this summer it would make no difference whatsoever. for others, notably Jo Saxton and John Piper (http://www.desiringgod.com) , it would cripple them.
Hmmm.

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Time to re-lash the fastfood backlash

http://www.guardian.co.uk/food/Story/0,,1856159,00.html

Outside in Fog*

Isn’t it just so odd how time is relative? When you’re enjoying life it flies by. When life is a struggle it can’t go quick enough. Time is bent.

The happy spectre of a decision to be made looms over me. I don’t want to make this call – it all seems far too final given the subject matter. When did people begin expect me to be able to make sound and rational decisions? That’s the problem with pursuing maturity I guess – stating your goal without being anywhere near it but people’s expectations are informed by it.

Why is it so hard to hear from God on matters of the heart? The decisions which affect your emotional stability are the most crucial ones – so why are the hardest decisions the hardest to hear from God about? I wish I could post a Venn diagram about the overlap of my will and God’s. I wish there were more of it. Too often I listen to the lies for they offer safety. Trusting in God always was a bit hairy!

Give ear, O Eternal, to my prayer,
heed my plea for mercy.
In my time of trouble I call You,
for You will answer me.


*with homage to Coraline

Matt at Soul survivor

Matt at Soul survivor
Originally uploaded by derwent_massive.

What I wanted to blog on

1 January 1739: "Mr. Hall, Hinching, Ingham, Whitefield, Hutching, and my brother Charles were present at our love feast in Fetter Lane with about 60 of our brethren. About three in the morning, as we were continuing instant in prayer, the power of God came mightily upon us insomuch that many cried out for exceeding joy and many fell to the ground. As soon as we were recovered a little from that awe and amazement at the presence of His majesty, we broke out with one voice, 'We praise Thee, O God, we acknowledge Thee to be the Lord.'"

On tuesday night my Dad gave my a copy of John Wesley's journal.

They then mentioned this passage at soul survivor.

Good old methodists

Matt

The world: in or out or straddling?

Was going to blog about something John Wesley said , but instead we have that most welcome of all blog entries, the personal expression of confusion over something we don’t understand.

Please note this is more of an attempt to think through an issue rather than attack anything in particular; so if you are offended , I didn’t mean it. I think you’re great.

The issue – for as long as I can remember people have been telling me about a ‘new generation that God is rising up to INSERT ASPIRATION HERE’, and hence we should plunge resources into Youth work. I have many friends who do much youth work, and it manifestly and obviously NEEDS to be done. But I wonder if we write off the current generation too quickly?

If God truly is the God ‘capable of immeasurably more than we can every ask or imagine’ who has ‘incomparably great power’, then God can do lots of things with lots of people lots of the time. Like, now. With me and You. Wherever we are.

I guess this taps into something deep in me – how appropriate is it for a person to be fully immersed in the Christian scene from a work point of view, as opposed to being in the world with all its challenges and inspirations? I can’t see myself working full time for church again at the moment - purely because I feel I learn so much from working where I work. The Christian bubble is a safe place, but it’s also a stifling place. Could I ever be a full time worship pastor?

I mean, just imagine that you had to only listen from now on to Christian Music. I might cry.

I have just come back from a conference where I was working with an NGO who encourage us all to make a difference one life at a time, which is totally spot on. We all have a part to play in changing the world for the better in small ways. But I am more and more convinced that some of us must stand to change to world in massive ways. Like Wilberforce and slavery, or Tutu in South Africa and apartheid. Global and local as the saying goes.

Where does youth work fit in to this again? Hmm - well I guess if I look at the mess my dad’s generation got the world into, and the mess we’re leaving for my potential kids, then I could get very pessimistic and see the new generation as my only hope. Does lack of hope in me and my own generation drive me to look to the next as my saviour?

I think working with people one – on – one is completely necessary. We need youth workers, we need pastors and all the rest. But we also need people who will ‘purify their inner lives’ and wrestle with living out God’s message of the return from exile through JC in the hardest places. By that I mean the DVLA, the MOD, multinational companies, the UN, the academy …

Example: Hugely successful city trader jacks job in to work with street kids and the poor, teaching them about financial responsibility and offering hope. What a sacrifice, we say. When asked whether he thought about staying where he was a working against the macrostuctures and powers that keep people in financial bondage for freedom, he said “you’ll never change that”. Is it just me or is there a fear that drives us to seek manageable and obvious short term results just because to stay and fight e.g in the trade sector for your whole life is just too hard? Or is it that the comfort he had as a byproduct is seen with suspicion? Most full time Christians have at some point lived ‘by faith’, which really means ‘by the faith of other Christians who have money’ . Both the giver and the receiver are blessed by participating in God’s plan – I have no problem with that, and I’ve been on both sides of the equation. But at any given time a certain proportion of the Church must be in gainful employment (in the UK at least church work is far from gainful!) – my point being that they aren’t there to give their 10% and be miserable while the real Christians get on with it, but to serve and worship with their entire lives, just so happening to deserve a wage because of their labours.

In short : not everyone is called to be a full time youth worker, or a full time worship leader, or a full time professional Christian. It is much more likely that the highest calling we can all aspire to is to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with our God, demonstrating God’s love to a hurting world wherever we are, proclaiming Jesus as the Lord of all the powers and structures. In short (again), to love the Lord with our whole mind heart soul and strength.

Good grief. What nonsense.

Le weekend

Well boys and girls it was another EPIC

Friday night the world's worst wedding band re-formed for our first gig, practice was fune, then Ana's party with loads of fuse and assorted crew.

I was lucky enough to have Dave Small and the Oldskool staying with making for many a jovial and unexpectedly deep moment.

Saturday was an interesting day to say the least - started at ten with a Mahusive brekker at havana avec Oldskool, Small, Zellis, Birched warlord, James (sorry no nickname), Tim Kidd and Listeroff

So we all then roll up to ADH to set up full PA in a garden . . .fairly challenging one might assume and it was – I bailed when it came to the lights. No idea, didn’t want to burn the place down!

So benily got married – besotted couple 1.0 . all very sweet.

Things went downhill for me when I stepped up to start the BBQ’s and blew a spark right into my eye, burning the cornea – ow. Zoe and Kirsty diagnosed; off to the eye hospital where Zoe was just lovely, fetching water keeping me entertained and eventually using all the doctor’s toys to look into my eye . . . so that’s why she wanted to some! Anyways we got back in time for speeches, and then came the gig.

It all went so quick – suffice it to say that using the vocoder on the s club seven tune running straight into Billy Jean will go down in wedding band legend for sure. Everyone was well up for a party – such a good atmosphere. Johnny D steeped up to help recreate some after april love with john B Goode -.

Negative would have to be having zero time to schmooze and capitalise on this performance – due to need to pack up PA and turn garden from gig venue into garden. Never mind. We’re trusting in God for that side of things. . . .

This one's for all the doubters up in the place

Astoundingly as it may seem to me, some poeple do not consider climate change to be a moral issue that the church should address, stating taht the church's mission is to Isaiah 61 the whole place, preaching good news to the poor etc. Others, most notably bible belt right wing US evangelicals, but not exclusively these , consider that since the earth is essentially a horrid and evil place fom which we wil be liberated , addressing climate change is not important.

According to new research by Christian Aid, 182 million people in sub saharan Africa could die from disease directly related to climate change.

1 - 8 - 2 MILLION poeple. Say it. Try and count it.

E.g.#1 Tanzania; risign temperatures enable malaria carrying mosquitoes to spread and survive in more regions.

This is before we consider the twin threat of drought and famine to a subsistence community.

In short, I propose that we stand up and realise the ecological debt we owe to the developing world, that which we burdened the planet with when we devleoped unchecked throughout the industrial revolution, and campaign as hard as we can to bring God's equity to this situation as we have over third world economic debt.

Your status in Christ does not guarantee you a middle class existence.

Matt

LBF ramblings part one

It always was going to be an interesting week – though I guess I never fully expected anything other than to be joining in with what God was doing, and to be grateful for whatever part I was invited to play.

I reckon this week has been a significant one for me personally – particularly on Thursday when I felt very very looked after and cared for by God. I literally couldn’t go anywhere that day without people wanting to pray for and with me for a few things.

Leading in the mornings was just an amazing privilege - and thank goodness that temperatures fell from their peak on Wednesday: we don’t need 1m wide pools of sweat at our feet every time we lead worship thank you very much. Things really peaked on Saturday morning with some facedown humbling before Jesus going on, and I reckon that people were linking the faithfulness God was showing out in the streets to what they experience personally. Result: very easy to lead people in worship. Pride is the biggest thing that stops us worshipping God, and gratitude is the soil in which pride cannot easily grow.

On the pride thing – needed to hear that message Thursday night. What things in your life god is asking you to do is your pride stopping you doing? Woh. Prayed that God would show me what I needed to do as I laid down my pride and asked him in again, and my phone rang RIGHT then with someone I REALLY needed to be honest with, just before they flew to Bolivia for a month. Awesome.

You know what? God loves it when we give stuff away. Its not ours, after all. We’re not called to hoard kingdom things for ourselves. On Saturday yfriday were leading worship – 7 years ago a me with much more hair and only two months guitar experience was asked to lead one song in the middle of a seminar by Yfriday – the first time I ever lead worship anywhere. And seven years later I’m leading at the same festival; God is just incredible! Big up to Ken for inspiring me in the way these things should be; our success is judged by our successors.

Word and shout out to Shon who continues to amaze me with his dedication and sacrifice in the hardest time.

I really think working together has brought us fuse peeps closer,

I sensed something for the longterm on the way home last night – I felt something of a stranger in my own neck of the woods. Hmm. Maybe some late night driving and praying is needed.

Matt

sayonara sweetheart

well i guess this is it for a few days. I have so much going through my head, my phone hasn;t stopped ringing though I guess its nothign compared with G&hOLLY AND smiffy

i hope to emerge unscathed to bring som funky stuff down for Benwedding

matt

I may be sometime ...

Appreciate all of y’all’s prayers next week. God has been providing for me all over the place – like my boss giving me three days off as paid leave for community work after being flyered at Christ Church – and I’m getting nicely excited at the prospect and the privilege of leading the LBF crew into God’s presence to thank and enjoy him for He has done and yet to do.

Every morning I will be leading some worship with Hannah Atkins alongside Philip Jinadu speaking in the big top. Should be awesome.

Anways – I’ll be living with Caddick and James at their pad in south Bristol for the week, which will be very cool, again another unexpected blessing.

However, I am in the middle of a bit of slump in motivation and productivity, I really don’t feel on it at all. I’m trying to settle down in my life, but something in me is screaming for new things, to move on and face new challenges.

Although I feel that to stick things out for another chunk of time in Bristol is actually the mature thing to do. It might be hard, and there are certainly more exciting things to go and do, and easier ways to deal with ongoing fractured relationships. But I feel God is calling me to trust in him no matter what; Jesus is the Pearl, I keep reminding myself. God didn’t promise me a nice job and nice friends and a role in church in exchange for my loyalty. He offers me the pearl of great price if I ‘liquidate my assets ‘ for Him. I need the joy of my salvation restored to me. Above all else I feel there is work yet to do, and a Matt shaped hole in the Kingdom work in this city. I have the loving support of some fantastic leaders and mentors who I trust – and I feel looked after and challenged constantly. I remind myself it hasn’t always been this way in my life, and I am very grateful.

Its probably a sign of my discomfort and desire to run away that I’m not really abounding in love or good works just at the minute. Hopefully next week will change that.

Final word: Giving thanks is a worthy thing to be looking to do all the time – thanksgiving and gratitude are the soil in which pride does not easily grow.

Word to ur muthas and bruvas

Things move on

I am no longer an assistant, but an ethical researcher in my own right.

This feels very good and very odd. In my head I'm still twenty; in reality im nearer twenty five.

The hair is going on the weekend.

Matt

mantra

PAST≠FUTURE

Venting: Pros and Cons

I have been in some proper moods with myself this week. Letting myself and God down fairly regularly, then suddenly being graciously lifted. It's all very odd.

Anyways - I vented my frustrations at myself at others. Firstly some music friends , then over at the Kollektiv.

The thing is, I don't really regret it. I've been superficially dealing with some stuff that runs deep - this way has exposed those things to the light.

I was praying and worshipping with Marts yesterday - which has been a quality little God initiated thing in any case - and before he came round I don’t think my bedroom curtains had been open in a week or so, and my room was a state.

So I tidied up and let the gorgeous evening sun in, and we had a quality time just looking to God and sharing our hopes and fears. But it was an image of what God wants to do in my heart - pull back the curtains, let the light in and He'll inspire you to do some tidying up. My room has too often been the place of secrecy; whilst everyone needs time and space to themselves, more hours than not have been spent in there just doing nothing feeling low.

Two things to finish; read James 1 this morning. Perseverance must finish its work in you, a very timely reminder. Secondly , God is not in the business of crushing people. A bruised reed He will not crush and smouldering wick he will not snuff out. Actually, a broken heart and a contrite spirit are the sacrifices of God.

Bless you my brethren; Biscuits are proof that god our Father loves us and has given us eternal comfort and a wonderful hope.

M

My two pence on the nuclear debate

I am not so profoundly anti-nuclear as some I encounter, even if naming the technology 'Carbon neutral generation' is a false statement, and even though the private sector will fund the new build and then mysteriously be short of cash having given it all back to shareholders once it comes to decommissioning and thus the Government WILL bear the clean up costs ....

My real problem is this. You don't give a dying man a nice pain killer so that he can continue harming himself - similarly nuclear is like giving a dying man a pain killer. The assumption will be made that 'we've solved climate change' by building more nuclear power plants. I'll bet money that CO2 emissions will increase as a result of this decision.

Far better to invest the hideously large sums of cash being planned for nuclear new build and Trident replacement on incentives for microgeneration and offshore renewables. It would have sent a message too - a message that this is serious problem.

Matt

Look, things CAN change

All US military detainees, including those at Guantanamo Bay, are to be treated in line with the minimum standards of the Geneva Conventions.
The White House announced the shift in policy on Tuesday, almost two weeks after the US Supreme Court ruled that the conventions applied to detainees.

President Bush had long fought the idea that US detainees were prisoners of war entitled to Geneva Convention rights.

The defence department outlined the new policy to staff in an internal memo.

Weekend always get me thinking

A wise man once said that you should act your shoe size and not your age.

I am feeling a little off about my age just now - see the Kollektiv for details - but suffice it to say that I seem to have acquired some qualities and roles of someone a bit older than me.

Which begs the question - where have all the qualities of Matt the 24 year old come from if Matt the 29 year old is what people EXPECT me to be when they meet me? Do poeple have an idealised notion of themselves and others which dictates their expectation of age raltive to the impression they gain from conversations?

I'd like to meet the eleven year old who used the phrase 'idealised notions' ...

Oh wait ; that was me

At this point let us allow the wisdom of Aristotle to intervene

"It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims"

Has the world gone utterly stark raving bonkers?

Exhibit A

Musicians include Geraldine Latty, Andy Flannigan, Matt Crossman, Cathy Burton, 29th Chapter, Titus, YFriday, LZ7 and many more

Hmmm. Not sure Andy Flan and the rest of these more than competent artists will be all that happy about sharing a bill with me

My Lovely Housemate Julian and His brand gullibility

Julian is, in many respects, the perfect housemate. Kind, gentle, generous, an amazing chef and man of God.

However Julian likes to buy new and exciting versions of exisitng brands. They are magic to him, sparkling with excitement and 'brave new world' possibility.

However, frequently these new brands are, quite honestly dreadful.

Exhibit A: Muller yogurt Cheesecake flavours. Very nice on their own, when flavoured with aneamic and salty bits of biscuit, awaful

Exhibit B. Lemon and Lime Jaffa ckes: Leaving aside the great nevil road jaffa controversy (cake or biscuit?) these are truly, momumentally disgusting in every way. Not only do they test ones intestinal fortitude, they pollute the entire biscuit tin with their foul odour. a disaster.

However in Julians favour

Exhibit C: The milk chocolate caramel hobnob: Delectable.

Honestly, if it aint broke don't fix it

Tantatlising personal revelations need not apply

Why is it you can feel inexplicably lonely in the middle of all your friends?

Why do people say one thing and do another?

Why can you never trust your own judgement when it comes to matters of the heart?

Going into worship on Sunday night all these thoughts were warring away and making me feel stuck. After a pretty amazing night and a good chat with Chazzle on the way to Thornbury I started to think about God’s faithfulness – there truly is NONE like Him: none so loyal; none so pure hearted; none so encouraging.

Oh the finality of it all

did you ever stop and wonder just how final some decisions are? Like, no hope of ever going back to something?

I don't think any human can cope with that thought - the thought that something is irreversibly set in stone with no hope of redemption of reconciliation. So we hold out at least in some small way in the back of our mind.

Which is great when applied to world problems like thrid world debt or acid rain - but not som much when it comes to relationships.

M

By the way . . .

I am rather glad england are still in the footie as it is taking away from the cricket team's weak, insipid, spineless capitulations to a team they damn near thrashed in the tests.

Im English, and as such i crave dissapointment

Unsure and tentative

Today's main feelings.

Every morning recently I have been walking past King Square just off St Pauls. For a couple of weeks there have been a few people setting up camp there, sleeping in the square. Each morning I wondered about going over and chatting, or maybe telling someone but something stopped me. I guess I thought they couldn't be there much longer. Then they weren't there this morning.

Life is about taking risks when you're unsure I guess. Apply to life especially relationships!
M

Partay ...

If you read this and are over 18 we are having an Independence Day / Joy's brithday party this sat.

Come after the footie to celebrate / drown sorrows (*delete as appropriate)

Joy will celebrating her nation's independence. We will will celebrating that 200 years ago we got rid of them.

American fancy dress - character or stereotype.

M

The curious case of Theo Walcott

With Michael Owen's world cup over, and Rooney barely back from injury, the England squad is left with three recognised strikers.

Well, in fact two. Walcott has yet to feature in this competition, with circumstances dictating a need for experience over youth.

Theo should have come on last night – being the only recognised striker left on the bench. You get the sense, however, that he will play no part in this world cup. I think Sven is incredibly scared of bringing him on and leaving him exposed like a rabbit in the headlights. If he was too scared to do this against T&T, what chance he will risk it against Germany when it really matters? Can you see young Theo being asked to take a penalty? Would you take the chance of crushing one of England’s brightest young stars with the ignominy of a penalty miss?

I think this is one gamble which has gone horribly, horribly wrong. We have effectively reduced ou squad by one player. Ouch. What if the oh – so – inconsistent crouch was to go down injured? Walcott start? No way. Gerrard or Cole behind Rooney … but the whole POINT is that Rooney is one of the best link players around. He and Crouch looked completely at odds yesterday, both dropping deep .

I say one thing. Jermaine Defoe proved himself in qualifying that he had the pace, determination and character to play international football, more so than Walcott at the moment. Yet he is sat at home.

read this and nearly choked

http://www.christianitytoday.com/bcl/areas/smallgroup/articles/061406.html
This has to be the most condescending piece of drivel I've heard for a long while.

Among the most heanous of assumptions made in this article has to be this

Singles in general tend to look out for what's best for themselves and are often not concerned with how those choices affect their lives, or anyone else's.

Turns out singles are human ....

then this :

I love those crazy-messed-up singles ...

yeah. we're all messed up. i don't know any married poeple with porblems. heck I've NEVER even heard of a married christian having an affair, for exmaple, or cheating their partner out of money.

No - it appears that we singles have a lot to answer, being the root of all the problems within church. I guess we should all just sit at home doing the ironing waiting to be married when we'll finally be adjusted enough to relate to normal people.

What utter disgraceful nonsense.

Matt

and relax ....

Everybody just needs to take a breather I think.

Last night we introduced two Americans to the joys of world cup football when it matters. Joy and Mirial (beating us limeys hands down on the name stakes BTW - Tom, Matt and Sam don't really match up) were hugged kissed and generally thrown round the pub as crouchy stooped from his 20ft perch to nod to ball down into the top corner.

but what this post is about is what happened after. the Kookie Kollektiv went back to the Nevil Kommunity house of Love for some mean fajitas. Dani, Claire, Will, Andy, Joy, Mirial, Tom and ultimately Jim and Jules. With the exception of Jules , single people all and loving it. Two bottle of wine, some quality laughs, running up and down the street singing eye of the tiger wrapped in the stars and stripes ...

I am very blessed with some quality, godly friends. We live a very blessed and lavish life, guys. Relax. Blog ends

M

Something to ponder

have been researching for a preach at the fuse.

The bonds of addiction are too soft to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.

Nothing

life without coffee is nothing

a band without percussion this sunday could be interesting

What do you do when you someone likes you more than you like them but you still like them ? What do you DO?

These are the imponderables with which I while away the hours

A man's legs need only be long enough to reach the ground.

M

I love church

Pretty straight forward 'blog this.

I did something that was potentially difficult, and in fact turned out to be difficult, but felt I wanted to support someone else who has helped me out on numerous occasions.

And that person did a great job.

Sam , you were spot on.

Philippians 2:3 (New International Version)

3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

I love that church is the place where selfish agendas should dissolve. I felt very rubbish this morning until I reminded myself that worship comes in any triumph of the will to serve God over circumstance. You know what? God LOVES costly worship. And you can't out give the giver of life.

I could have very easily stayed in last night feeling pants. But I felt god nudging me to go - so I went, and had the privilege of leading people into God's presence, and then the really amazing chance to just bless one of my housemates when he was being prayed for by Tim.

If only I could learn this lesson ...

'O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bare  .... all because we do not carry evrythign to God in prayer'

I'm mature honest

Just keep me distracted and I�m OK. I don�t want to engage with the pain right now. Marx claimed that religion was the opiate of the masses. These days I wish it were that simple � I think technologies as they stand today promote isolationism and self centredness. You�re bored? You shouldn�t EVER be bored! Go buy something, go hire someone �

One of the truest definitions of sin is humani incurvatus se (apologies I only got a B in latin) meaning humanity turned in on itself. Our iPod PS2 myspace blogging dominated world can risk promoting that.

I feel like I�ve grown up a lot. I feel much more like a twentysomething rather than a graduate � and it�s a nice feeling. I never bloody liked Uno anyway. I like coffee and dinner and drinks and meeting with friends who make you laugh and having massive discussions about everything. I like going places and doing things and reading things and writing things. My friendship group has shifted too � I�m often the youngest now. I�ve had countless moments over the last 4 months where people have said "24? You�re 24??" and I think they meant it in a good way.

So bring on the baldness. Bring on the pension. Bring on life. BRING IT ON!

Relationships, compromise and the will

I�ve been thinking a lot about this. Where you have two people there are two wills. There will always be a divided opinion. Where those people are selfishly motivated, then the wills will be in opposite directions, causing friction. Rather than enjoying the coming together of wills as a gift, things then slip into petty power plays over who gets more of their own way.

I think if you get into a relationship, you have to be able to be able (sorry for that little verbal clumsiness) to say �my will NOT be done�. And to be ok about that. And how do we get into this state which Eugene Peterson calls �willed passivity�, but by finding that one relationship has been willed by one who desires never change, who�s love never wavers , who�s goodness endures, who�s mercy never fails ..?

Please, let�s all relax. Let�s seek the best for each other, and not be so concerned about our own paths and visions that we miss the opportunity to serve and worship God RIGHT NOW. If Christ is in me, then Christ in a whole bunch of people in Bristol, the UK and the world, and in history.

Ok so I�m angry for a friend right now � no details, but in the guise of being loving the one was demanding huge sacrifices and controlling the other causing emotional and spiritual damage because the guy just can�t relax and stop worrying.

I got news for us all. God�s name, as Loius Giglio tells us form the bible story of Moses before the burning bush, is I AM. Or more precisely, I AM, that I AM, or �Be�. I Be is God�s name.

So I am not. You can go ahead and put anything in front of that. I am not in control, in charge, the saviour of anyone.

Seriously , your four score years and ten are but a breath. Your career is blink in the eye of God. There�s no marriage in eternity, so let�s not get too het up about it now. Its useful , an oh yeah, its great and fantastic too, but the eternal purpose is to make you more like Christ, �cos Christ�s relationship with church is like that of a bride and bridgegroom. It's a gift. Its not essential.

What matters then? Well, everything you do in Christ, based on his foundation. That sure as anything lasts, see the end of 1 cor as we�ve said before here.

Could it be that loving others as yourself is the key to it all?

Matt

I'll have a P please bob ....

DSC00593
Originally uploaded by derwent_massive.

and other reasons why Sam P is a legend!

f**k

I try not to watch big brother, but I was flicking while the OC was on a break (a real area of weakness. I watch little tv that isn't sport or news, but this is the exception), and found someone using the word f**k as an adjective, verb and noun in the same sentence.

The character described as " the Manc-Chinese Wee Jimmy Krankie" screamed yesterday

"why don't you just f**k off, you f**king centre of attention f**k!"

Now, is it just me or does this not make any degree of sense? I could take offence at being called lots of things, but what is a 'F**K', singular? being called a f**king w**ker at least gives me a starting point from which to wonder what a f**king one of these actually is. It's important - you are a f**k means you are sexual intercourse. It's actually quite surreal ... 

I think she is a student. You will meet people in your life who just LOVE swearing, and love the F word so much that they cannot concieve of expressing something as being important and or annoying without reference ot it. See bridget jones ...

Why I was gutted

seen as I seem to be in a phase of revealing partially hidden truths, here goes:

It was about a girl.

Did you need to ask?

Matt

Specifics of the trouble at t'mill

http://business.guardian.co.uk/story/0,,1776282,00.html

This is my organisations press release in response. I can't explain in public why I was in such a bind on monday - suffice it to say I think prayer helped ease the situation. Come find me at church and Ill explain!

Matt

 

Your report on Shell�s AGM (Shell�s critics come back with a vengeance, May 17) omitted to mention the constructive criticism of the oil giant�s performance embodied in the ethical shareholder resolution initiated by the Ecumenical Council for Corporate Responsibility. ECCR�s resolution was tabled with support from 130 shareholders and the World Council of Churches. Besides the better known cases of Sakhalin and the Niger Delta, ECCR was prompted to act by Shell�s conflict with local communities in Ireland over the Corrib gas project. The company has admitted that it played a role in the gaoling of the "Rossport Five" small farmers for contempt of court last year.

ECCR has had dialogue with Shell since 1997, when it brought the first environmental resolution to a UK company AGM. This year our resolution called for improvements in Shell�s governance and performance in reaching agreement with local communities, in its risk and impact assessment, and in using its social responsibility committee.

Shell marginalised ECCR�s resolution, placing it at the end of an otherwise routine agenda and allowing almost four hours to elapse before the item was introduced. Company chairman Aad Jacobs encouraged out-of-order and in one case a blatantly frivolous interruption from the floor before the resolution was voted.

With the onerous legal requirements needed to bring a shareholder resolution in the UK � unlike the ease of the process in the USA - it is no surprise that not one ethical shareholder resolution was brought in the UK in 2005. Nor that many people are increasingly disillusioned with the failures of voluntary `corporate social responsibility� to deliver urgently needed benefits for disadvantaged communities and the environment.

 

Matt Crossman

Trouble at t'mill ...

Guys,

This is a prayer request for me tomorrow. It's quite hard as I can't really say what I'm doing or where until after the event, but it involves work.

Just be thinking of me about 10am 'til two tomorrow, from strength, wisdom and favour, just some Holy Spirit 'luck' with a few things!

Matt

 

One half caff latte and indefinite detention without trial, please

Starbucks has loads of foodservice locations at US military installations.

It has now opened Starbucks Guantanamo bay.

I am speechless.

Though there is something very imposing in the symbol - the US military superpower working hand in hand with the US retail superpower.
M

Dead ringers

DSC00494
Originally uploaded by derwent_massive.

Matt bee and joel - very scarily accurate portrayal.

Gutted

Gutted.

This is such a great word. Satisfying to say, fantastically apt , almost onamatepoeic in its description.

Right now I feel gutted. Dissaspointed doesn't quite cut it. Miffed is too twee - who says miffed these days in any case? Its only one step from miffed to drat and bother, and then you may as well consign yourself to years of cultural anachronism.

Neither will dashed or bothered do. Gutted it is, and always shall be.

Gutted suggest a down spiral of the orchestra of your life's soundtrack, circling downward, ever downward as the wheels fall off your plans. When the weight of expectation and excitement was too much to bear, to have it taken from you , you think, hey , that was mine!

I think its a geographical thing. Gutted feels gutted because you feel it in your stomach. And in the upper chest. Its like a strange, uncomfortable electricty bubbling just beneath the surface. Hopes dashed . Guuuted. Must resist urge to drink plenty of London pride with gutted ex home office workers.

Matt

Some wisdom from Micah

at various times over the months Ben and I have sparred and agreed about word of faith and other veils for the prosperity gospel.

Ben raised the question - "How do word of faith preachers account for the beattitudes?"- encouraging me to seek some biblical perspectiev. I was reading Micah this morning and it really throws some light on the issue.

Firstly, Micah is a prophet, a covenant enforcement mediator, so sometimes when he preaches, he preaches God's right anger against injustice. We get the feeling that some don't like his negative words:

6"Don't preach," say the preachers.

    "Don't preach such stuff.

    Nothing bad will happen to us.

    7Talk like this to the family of Jacob?

    Does GOD lose his temper?

    Is this the way he acts?

    Isn't he on the side of good people?

    Doesn't he help those who help themselves?"

To which Micah replies :

"What do you mean, "good people'!

    You're the enemy of my people!

    You rob unsuspecting people

    out for an evening stroll.

    You take their coats off their backs

    like soldiers who plunder the defenseless.

And then, the clincher:

11If someone showed up with a good smile and glib tongue

    and told lies from morning to night--

    "I'll preach sermons that will tell you

    how you can get anything you want from God:

    More money, the best wines . . . you name it'--

    you'd hire him on the spot as your preacher!

Read on to chapter 6 and 7 for what god will do after his discipline has been shown. You can''t shortcut your way to harvest and seasons of much and richness, through your best life now or spekaing words of faith into your life. - sometimes the only way is through a cold hard winter, where you are refined, threshed and purified, strengthened in your resolve to follow God. See 4:7 and 4:13, then 7:8 to the end. I'm down, but not out ...

M

Name: Matt Crossman. Specialist Subject: The bleeding obvious

*caution! Geeky rant follows*

Now I don’t wish to be overly critical here, but some things happen in your life that make you want To Scream – on this occasion with the sheer condescension shown by the advertisers of this world.

Exhibit A: Tesco black peppercorns. This, for the culinary challenged is pepper. Plain ol’ common or garden pepper. I know what pepper is. I would wager that around 100% of people are also vaguely familiar with the concept.

The Tesco product informs the consumer that the mystery product carries “A strong and spicy flavour”.

Or, to put it more succinctly, it tastes peppery ….

What next? “clear, refreshing and versatile” for a bottle of water? “Light bulbs – bringing the day to night – Tonight!! “Creamy and succulent dairy juice, ideal for all your breakfast needs, incredible compliment to any hot beverage!!!” ? I’m getting sick of this. What kind of moron do they think wanders into Tesco’s wondering, ‘say what are those little black dealies over there by the salt shelves, I wonder what they taste like?”. You can’t package pepper as a new and exotic condiment – but it scares me that there were probably several over paid advertising execs who had all nighters discussing the next big pepper push, how they are passionate about its spicy and fiery flavours … passionate about pepper. Scary.

Please, everyone, lets encourage free thinking and self discovery. I’m meeting some guys from Tesco on Friday, will be sure to bring it up with them ….

Church and cash

http://business.guardian.co.uk/story/0,,1762127,00.html

Just FYI if you want to understand a bit of what I do. Personally, having been involved in getting a shareholder resolution for Shell regarding their difficultues in Ireland, Nigeria and Sakhalin, am suprised by some of the biggest holdings.

The church commissioners is where the whole ethical investment gig kicked off -http://oxcheps.new.ox.ac.uk/casebook/Resources/HARRIE_1%20DOC.pdf well, that and the Quakers (Stewardship fund being the longest running ethical fund).

It raises questions about emphasis - legally, investment managers cannot be forced to follow a positive agenda if they are to fulfil their fiduciary duty. But if the church comisisoners can care so much about Caterpillar and their activities in Palestine, can't they see the human rights implications of holding the big mining companies?

Last week I heard the phrase 'sustainable mining'. Without wishing to oversimplify, that's just not possible!

Hmmm

Im a geek, so sue me

Matt

PS Ben - patience, dear boy

primary 1 x 1

Square one is a real old friend for me, having been back here on a number of occasions. I am now well versed in its dimensions, in space and time. Smoking a cigar with a whisky and staring into the harbour on the Isle of Wight I felt all my strength fall from me.

Just when you think you've got somewhere, some sideswipe will knock you off course - whether real or imagined. 

Living life is learning to dwell in square one with contentment, or at least without fear. What have you built there? What did you leave there from last time? I don't find solace in detail. Give me something with substance and purpose.

PS Ben I know my next post was supposed to be about Seeker friendliness. It will come!

Matt Crossman

derwent_massive@hotmail.com

matt.crossman@rathbones.com

 

This was stunningly good

The Manchester Passion on bbc 3 - catch it on teleport if you're posh.

They had this massive lightbox shaped as the cross which was carried through the streets of manchester, very powerful symbol.

I love it when stuff like thsi represents Christianity, you know, well.

My only slight gripe would be that they didn't do the execution scene in public buit behind closed doors, as that was what would've happened today. we do our dirty work away from prying eyes. I reckon that that power of the cross is that it seems like Jesus was made a public spectacle of, a broken, bedraggled weak and puny rebel at the hands of the all powerful Rome. in fact Jesus was making a public spectacle of the powers of darkness, triumphing over them (Collosians somewhere).

Jesus said when I am lifted up I will draw all men unto myself - in the Manchester Passion he wasn't 'lifted up'.

BUT it was still absolutely great. I loved it when the risen Jesus was seen at the top of manchester town hall screaming 'I am the resurection and I am the life' by the stone Roses.

M

The research desk

The research disk
Originally uploaded by derwent_massive.

This is where I work. Chaos

Can you have ....

... communion without Jesus? For this is exactly what we had as I visited my friend's church this sunday morning. Here is how the first part of service went:

Worship with some songs, that nobody seemed massively into. A few folk raise hands, most gazed around wondering where the coffee was. Same song for 10 minutes. God really is FOREVER strong ... then we all were told to grab a piece of wool and make a web in our small groups, with a bigger thread linking us all together. Kinda cool - but took too long!

Anyway - then one of the pastors read out a 2 page collection of thoughts about community living which was a little odd. Imagine someone who had pasted 5 blog entries together.

Then , literally, these were the words . Now we're going to have communion. The bread and wine are at the sides. let's have a moment of quiet. Then people went up and took bread and wine. well, grape juice.

And that was it.

No mention of jesus. No mention of the cross. No mention of the core act of remembrance and coummunity expressed. . . if you were a visitor and didn't knwo anything about church, what would you have felt? this is just some poeploe eating bread and drinking grape juice in silnece when there's doughnuts over there. then we alll break for the doughnuts. maybe its something to remind us all about poverty.

What was especially strange was that the talk afterwards was a fantastically deep yet accesible discussion of what the cross means, especially in realtion to final victory over the powers and kingdoms.

After hearing all that, the first thing I wanted to do was take communion!

M

Week whatever

I feel almost well disposed toward the world today.

 

I have a new toy in my hands in the shape of brand new PC, with a wkd flat screen coming in at a whopping 17" . bear in mind this will be doubled by the addition of another identical screen in two weeks' time.

New toys = boy who is happy.

Also, feeling the sun on your face reminds you that somehow the earth is just the right distance away from the sun to make me warm but not fry me to a crisp.

 

Isn't knowledge a weird thing - just knowing someone out there cares about you can affect your entire mood. Need to be careful there though.

How deliciously cryptic.

 

I wonder if there is a point to this 'blog other than to say I think I'm over what I was under. Which now means its no longer ahead but behind. So its below and behind. Week five is nearly over. I don't think there'll be any more weekly updates here. More like the beginning of the rest of the year which is tres bon john.

 

Like I said to Gareth, out of sight, out of mind, then eventually out of heart. In that order

minor rant

Jesus is the absolute living breathing beating heart of everything we do. Without Him we cannot know and serve God. He truly is the centre, the head, of all things. He was the agent of creation (the firstborn) and in Him all things now hold together � he is the divine glue that holds together the old and new creation. He is the one mediator between God and man, the one sacrifice for sins to enable man to be redeemed back into God�s family. We are Christ-ians , followers of the Messiah, the promised one, the chosen one, the anointed one of God to usher in the new age of God permanently dwelling with his people, the one in whom all creation will finally find its consummation and re-creation, in His true Lordship.

This is but the most minscule glimpse of the fullness of the truth and promise we have in Jesus.

Why, then, do we find so many emerging traditions pedalling a non � Trinitarian view of God? Because it�s easier than trying to get your head round the mind blowing truth of the trinity? I don�t know, but it saddens me. I just googled a website of a bishop form Brixton. Among all the self promotion and statements of his various gifts and anointing from God, I found no reference to Jesus. Not one.

Seriously, if Jesus isn�t alive and resurrected, if he isn�t the true Lord of the earth in which all things find their purpose and value, then we are just playing religious games. Shallow ones at that.

I want to scream this morning, its all about Him! He reveals the Father to us, shows us what God is like. Even if you were to never experience anything of God first hand for the rest of your life, you could easily occupy the minutes of everyday for the rest of eternity gazing in awe and wonder at the cross, and beholding the man.

Rant ends. Jesus, be the centre.

Matt

 

Looking and seeing

Mr recent ruminations have been anything but recent. I trace this back to a coefficient which i have identified, namely my desire to blog being proportionate to the level of social and emotional upheaval in my life.

Things have been easing of late, for good reasons and for less good reasons.

I've been really thinking about 'seeing'. Last night I lead 400 or so kids with a song which says 'I want to see you'. Now, no one has seen God. Moses asked for it and God only let all his goodness pass before him, and believe me, that would be more than enough to blow my little mind!

But my readings seem to be emphasising the self revelation of God the Father in the Son. Today it was that beautiful poem in Colossians. Paul writes in thanks for the love and fruit which is showing itself in the new life the Colossians have found, and you ask yourself where it comes from. Then we get the poem, saying he is the image of the invisible God, one in whom the fullness of God dwelt.

If you look long and hard in an attitude of devotion toward Jesus, you see that God is most perfectly defined as deep, self giving Love. God created the Universe out of Love, allowed us life and consciousness out of love, covenanted with us out of love, corrected and disciplined us out of love, rescued us out of love, sent His Son out of love, resurrected Him out of Love, sent His spirit out of Love, sustains us out of love �. I could go on.

In the psalm I read this morning it said that the world is full of God thoughts and God wonders. We just need to tune ourselves into them. For me, this meant standing outside the physiotherapy department allowing the warmth of the April sunrise to soak into me, each fresh breath of God�s air filling my life with beauty. Look at Jesus inwardly, and your outward perspective will change. The world is full of God thoughts and God wonders for those that seek them out.

M

Matt Crossman
derwent_massive@hotmail.com

10 centimetres

For that is what separated Mavis the 205 and a rather sturdy stone wall on Saturday night.

It was very dark, incredibly rainy, stormy and scary driving conditions as I dropped down the Wye valley on my way home from a mate's wedding.

There's music on quite loud, worship stuff so maybe I wasn't giving the road my full attention. The wipers are on full speed, just about giving you enough to see the road.

Im doing 50 mph. I see a left bend, I engine brake down to fourth and turn. I go round the first bit of the bend, and am confronted by a semi flooded stream running over the left hand side of the road.

The left hand side of Mavis runs into this mini lake at 40mph. the right hand side doesn't.

Problems.

Massive skid. There's a car coming the other way. Heart in mouth. Water everywhere, massive splash over front windscreen means light from on-coming car is reflected everywhere, leading to disorientation. Where is that car, where is the road??

Skid, skid skid, steer into skid , control skid, lurch onto wrong side of raod, miss wall , recover onto road and realise what just happened.

Kinda lucky to be here Guys

Matt

I'm not blogging , but ...

... I actually am.

 

I say i'm not doing I shouldn't and then do it.

 

E.g. "I'm not gossiping but did you hear that ..."

 

"I'm not on the rebound, but..."

 

"I'm not criticising, but..."

 

I think the worst, which thankfully I don't do is when people say "No offence, but your head resembles that of a plagued walrus in the height of summer"

 

We need a term for this. Self delusional innapropriate behaviour approval?

 

Matt

My hair: You decide

Gravity appears to be exerting itself in a rather more sustained and concerted manner around the top of my head these days.

I think the time has come to abandon all hopes of having a haircut, 'cut' my losses and go buzzed all over.

What thinkyou, o interchangeable readership of 5 people? Serious suggestions only as this is a deep personal crisis.

M

Was there ever a moment ...

.. when His love failed? When He didn't long for peace, restorations, fulness, life and love to flow in through and to the earth?

Sometimes we describe the nature of God as characteristics. Characteristics can change - a man has a characterisitcs. I was more cynical when I was 15 than I am now. I was much more naive and free-er with affection when I was 19 then I am now. I was more trusting than I am now.

When we look at the world and its problems (poverty, climate change, human rights abuses, social exclusion to name a few), we might ask if God has changed.

Actually, He hasn't (top marks to me for the most obvious theological point blogged to date). we can trust that when God wills and longs for something, he wills and longs for it always, as we see in Jesus who is the same yesterday, today and forever.

God has attributes. Not characteristics. Do we sometimes reduce God to less than He is by making Him more human?

M

Matt Crossman

derwent_massive@hotmail.com

matt.crossman@rathbones.com

 

Whatever people say about me ...

... the truth is much worse

OpTiOn the last

All goes to show that Roy Castle was right - dedication is what you need. Two minutes practice at darts and we bang a one forty!

Cynics

Seems like people only comment when I spill my emotional guts all over the blogosphere or make tantalising personal revelations.

And that's just really sad.

So, break up week three is upon us. I miss week one alot, and don't wish to see the like of week two again in a hurry. Week three is traditionally the week of running away. Which to some extent I'm doing in being in London all weekend, though coming back from 3rd sunday.

Current "This is too hard and it's murder to even see her" contingency plans are, in increasing order of likelihood:

1. Visit Shon in that states, stopping of to spend Easter with Joy's family in Chicago. This became less likely when new glasses bill reared its head.

2. Have 3 month placement in Edinburgh office

3. Take some unpaid leave and go to Prague

4. Visit Ben Herman in Southampton

5. Visit the 'rents in Sherborne

6. Visit the Sportsman pu two doors down and play the locals at darts. I've been winning recently. Come to think of it I'm as much of a local, sharing the same postcode ...

 

Matt Crossman

Yokes and burdens

I just had a feeling that last night was going to be significant, and I was right. Maybe it was just that your expectations get raised when you just know you have to meet with God.

A bunch of us had been asked to lead some quite free / unplanned worship as part of a prayer night at church. A few people had to drop out, leaving me, close and Nigel.

Well, the night itself was very moving. There weren�t many there � say 50, tops, but 50 people who were desperately longing to meet with God, and ask Him to continue to move as He has been in our church recently.

In keeping with the more intimate atmosphere, the language of the songs were more intimate � lots of song of songs imagery and really being swept along by the depth of God�s Love shown in the cross. I really felt songs of love, devotion, service and honour coming out of me.

It was not insignificant that I had Colse beside me. Whatever I have been through recently, painful as it has been and is, I can�t really compare my situation with His. But Dave called us both out, saying that he wanted to pray for and bless us both, as we had such a hard time with human love, but had made the decision to love God in response on that night.

Well, it was just what was required. Several people prayed for me, and said words which echo and resonate exactly what God has been saying to me recently. Namely, that thought the desert place is very real, there is a beauty in the closeness of God in it, as he finds it very easy to dwell in a broken heart.

Then Dave prayed over me one of the most precious truths about God � my favourite verse of late , �a bruised reed he will not crush�, and then he had a picture of this reed being taken and used an instrument for His glory, bringing songs of love to birth which move and challenge those that hear. To experience that was enough for me, but then God really moved me to go and pray for others in room, which was really exciting, just to bless what God was doing.

Then we finished with some songs of joy and declaration.

"It breaks the heavy the yoke, breaks the heavy yoke when you shout , you shout to the Lord"

Others also had pictures of weights which had been chained to my feet being loosed, and me running where once had stumbled and stuttered.

My mood prior to last night was not a good one. Lets not deny what God has gifted us when we feel down and crushed in spirit.

"Whenever we are in need we should come bravely before the throne of our merciful God. There we will be treated with unreserved kindness, and we will find help".

M

Matt Crossman
derwent_massive@hotmail.com