Life on hold

Do hold on in there, this might be a long one. I have several weeks worth of shame and regret to get through before the blog is out ...

I think in ad man's terms they call that a teaser. In truth I don't know where this post is oging, yet feel a strange compulsion to be writing something. My brain has been called into action on such rare occasions over the last fortnight that I scarce remember what it feels like to be switched on, wired, prepared mentally and emotionally.

I have been on my travels recently. I think this is a euphemism for me being bored and having no-one to pester. I have been to France for ages and to Exeter.

Meeting new people is a funny one for me - I have many acquaintances and fewer genuine friends. My desire is to be known. I don't like it when people think more of me than they have a right to be virtue of the fact I sing some simple songs at church. I don't like to think that people might be reading me and reading me correctly. i take solace in the fact that some of best friends now I completely mis-read on first encounter. So there is hope for the future. But in this moment I discovered some things about myself that were quite hard to take while I was on holiday.

Alcohol makes me miserable. Coffee makes me joyous. Headaches never stop.

28 degrees is perfect weather.

The worst thing in the world is when you find someone slightly hard to get on with / relate to precisely because they remind so damn much of yourself and the things you feel weakest about that its scary.

Is it wrong to keep your mouth shut when to open it would open cans of worms and weaken other poeples' faiths just because you shared some ideas that you had trouble with? I refer as always to our slightly mixed up notions of eternity and the influence of Gnostic and Platonic on eschatology.

Grief. Incoherance appears to be my friend.

I love my community , yet I choose to be alone. I profess to love, but I serve myself. I am happy to be the guy in the leadership position as long as people know me, but can't deal with the same issues I see in others with integrity in myself.


the more that life goes on the more I realise the depth of my fall. If only I could glimpse the depth and subsequent height of my rescue.

In closing I strongly advise you to go to a 4star gite in the country followed by a trip to exeter. It is guaranteed to make you well aware of the chasm in meaning that pervades modern society.

Peace Out. I need some

M